(WARNING: I'm NOT trying to be PREACHY!!! this is just how I feel)
I've been Praying A LOT lately. Way more than I have in the past 5 years. These past 5 years have been the best and worst times of my life. Although I'm SURE there are more 'Worsts' coming along because as we all know life only gets harder with more trials, I feel that I have conquered a few REALLY big Trials. I wouldn't Say CONQUERED I guess, but At least put aside a few issues in my life. As I'm sure it was apparent I haven't always been doing what I know to be right. Oh sure as "tricky" and "sneaky" as I thought I was being, people always know. And they did. But the people in my life that I was "hiding" these things from knew all along that all they could do was love me. And love me they did. My Mom especially and looking back on it now I can see how much the things I was doing hurt her, not physically and not her PERSONALLY, but you know, she's my mom and THUS everything I chose to do DOES cause a reaction from her. I'm sure for many days, nights, and hours she would sit and think and pray about us. I know she did her best and that none of my choices reflect on her because I know that she taught me better. (She knew it too : P) I have always known that the trials I was going through were temporary. But what happens when Temporary becomes Normal and you lose sight of what you thought was right, and thought was wrong, and then you forget completely what you know and what you don't know and then you just get lost in ALL the GRAY in this world?! I got really close to that point a while back. I got to a point where I was rationalizing everything and creating excuses and making up lies to myself trying to shut my conscious up. I kept telling it that "I'm Happy!, I'm FUN! I'm so carefree! I don't have anyone telling me what to do! I'm independent!" All of which were lies. In the coming months I began to become a very different person. I was angry.. A LOT. I was completely irritable and would get mad and offended over the silliest things. Then I started to feel that even my closest friends were against me. I started to rationalize and pretend I was always right. My self-esteem was SHOT and I thought that the only time I was "FUN" was when I was making the wrong choices. Then one GLORIOUS day My Bishop called me in. It was just the routine yearly talk, and it went really well he got to know about me and my family, how much I loved my mom and the trials that our family has gone through.... One thing led to another and after that meeting my life was changed. FOREVER. I had never felt so relieved in my entire life. I felt like POSITIVE and UPLIFTED for the first time in almost 4 years. It was a great feeling. Since that day I have been doing everything in my power to remember what I KNOW to be true and to grow from everything. Now lets not get confused and think that Aubry is all of a sudden perfect because that would be a HORRIBLE LIE! I still Curse OCCASIONALLY though I am trying to limit that to the basics (you know D,H,S,B, A), I still am sarcastic and I'm still randomly a total BWITCH! In short I'm still me. For a while I was trying to get back to "Who I was in High School" but I came to realization that I can Never and SHOULD never be that girl again. Sure she was great! But she didn't go through ANY of the trials I've been through thus she had never really had her testimony tested. I am happy to say that My testimony HAS been tried and it is MUCH stronger than High School Aubry's was. She was Great. But The Aubry Now, ME, I'm stronger. :) ANYWAYS
P.S.S. I tried to find a picture of a Female Conqueror..... THAT WAS A TERRIBLE THING TO LOOK UP WHILE AT WORK! Just SAYING! (thus the picture has NOTHING to do with the post LOL)
I've been Praying A LOT lately. Way more than I have in the past 5 years. These past 5 years have been the best and worst times of my life. Although I'm SURE there are more 'Worsts' coming along because as we all know life only gets harder with more trials, I feel that I have conquered a few REALLY big Trials. I wouldn't Say CONQUERED I guess, but At least put aside a few issues in my life. As I'm sure it was apparent I haven't always been doing what I know to be right. Oh sure as "tricky" and "sneaky" as I thought I was being, people always know. And they did. But the people in my life that I was "hiding" these things from knew all along that all they could do was love me. And love me they did. My Mom especially and looking back on it now I can see how much the things I was doing hurt her, not physically and not her PERSONALLY, but you know, she's my mom and THUS everything I chose to do DOES cause a reaction from her. I'm sure for many days, nights, and hours she would sit and think and pray about us. I know she did her best and that none of my choices reflect on her because I know that she taught me better. (She knew it too : P) I have always known that the trials I was going through were temporary. But what happens when Temporary becomes Normal and you lose sight of what you thought was right, and thought was wrong, and then you forget completely what you know and what you don't know and then you just get lost in ALL the GRAY in this world?! I got really close to that point a while back. I got to a point where I was rationalizing everything and creating excuses and making up lies to myself trying to shut my conscious up. I kept telling it that "I'm Happy!, I'm FUN! I'm so carefree! I don't have anyone telling me what to do! I'm independent!" All of which were lies. In the coming months I began to become a very different person. I was angry.. A LOT. I was completely irritable and would get mad and offended over the silliest things. Then I started to feel that even my closest friends were against me. I started to rationalize and pretend I was always right. My self-esteem was SHOT and I thought that the only time I was "FUN" was when I was making the wrong choices. Then one GLORIOUS day My Bishop called me in. It was just the routine yearly talk, and it went really well he got to know about me and my family, how much I loved my mom and the trials that our family has gone through.... One thing led to another and after that meeting my life was changed. FOREVER. I had never felt so relieved in my entire life. I felt like POSITIVE and UPLIFTED for the first time in almost 4 years. It was a great feeling. Since that day I have been doing everything in my power to remember what I KNOW to be true and to grow from everything. Now lets not get confused and think that Aubry is all of a sudden perfect because that would be a HORRIBLE LIE! I still Curse OCCASIONALLY though I am trying to limit that to the basics (you know D,H,S,B, A), I still am sarcastic and I'm still randomly a total BWITCH! In short I'm still me. For a while I was trying to get back to "Who I was in High School" but I came to realization that I can Never and SHOULD never be that girl again. Sure she was great! But she didn't go through ANY of the trials I've been through thus she had never really had her testimony tested. I am happy to say that My testimony HAS been tried and it is MUCH stronger than High School Aubry's was. She was Great. But The Aubry Now, ME, I'm stronger. :) ANYWAYSThat sounds kinda Preachy and I'm not meaning for it to be I just wanted to express How happy I am and I'm excited for the life I have ahead of me! and since there are more "Worsts" to come I'm super excited for the even better "BESTS" that are headed my way... :)
P.S. My Best friend since the 5th grade is getting Married this weekend, AND I'm going to Vegas! :) JOY! MORE PICS TO COME!!!! hee hee heee
2 comments:
I love you. I needed this. The end.
I Wuv You TOO! That is all.
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