Sunday, August 2, 2015

All About My Hero....

So, I've been wanting to write this post for a while now, but it's hard to put into words the emotions and feelings that I am having.
This is My Mom. And she is my Hero!

This picture perfectly describes our relationship :) This was the night of my graduation in 2006. Before any of her health issues had really set in. Before the REAL trials and Struggles had started. Sure we had our ups and downs and our petty arguments, and Mom, besides a blip in life when she had melanoma cancer, and a few other health issues, had pretty much been okay! As a family we had an amazing life with tons of blessings full of good times with family.
In 2008 Mom was diagnosed with ovarian and uterine cancers. She had to go through Chemo and have a hysterectomy. Anyone who has experienced a loved one or has gone through chemo themselves knows how awful it truly can be. You are sick for almost an entire week, and right when you're starting to feel normal again, you have your next round of Chemo. On top of that comes the hair loss, and you just never know when it's going to happen. For Mom, she woke up from a nap and found hair all over the pillow. I personally have never lost my hair, but I know that I am just enough attached to it that it would be something that I would truly struggle with, my vanity is something that I already struggle with, it's not just the hair on your head you lose, you loose your eyebrows, your eyelashes, you often have bags under your eyes and it takes all your energy possible to even function.
Most importantly to remember, at this Time my older sister and I were both moved away from home and my younger sister was only 15 and barely learning to drive. My mom would get up at 5:30 every morning and take my little sister to her early morning seminary class, sometimes because of how sick the Chemo made her she would have to throw- up in the parking lot, take a nap and wait to take my sister to school, other times my sister would come home from school to find my mother with her head hanging in the toilet, as a 15 year old there are things you shouldn't have to do for you mom, but my younger sister did them anyways. A lot of people don't give my sister the credit she deserves during these hard times with my mom.
Most people only ever saw the happy and courageous Dianne, the one that everyone saw at church on Sunday with either her wig, or her head wrap, smiling and singing along with the congregation. This was the first time any of us really saw what my mom was made of. FAITH! The woman has faith in The Lord, more than I have ever been able to express. Not to mention STRENGTH!
Fast forward, Her Chemo is done, she has recovered from the Hysterectomy and we are all ready to have all the health issues behind us.
Mom's hair had Just started to grow back and as you can see we were all very excited!
Its the Summer of 09 I'm home from College, and because of the effects of Chemo, Mom's immune system is super low. She developed a light cough, that wouldn't go away. We took her to the doctors office, and they prescribed some medication, they also took a chest X-ray, but it showed no sign of pneumonia. One week later she was worse, I mean WAY worse, Dad was out of town on business and my younger sister, Stevie was up in Durango, CO. with some friends. I woke up one day in the beginning of June and went to see if my mom was feeling better. She was looking extremely swollen and couldn't really talk or form full sentences, we took her to the Urgent Care, where they found that in just one week her lungs had filled with fluid and she had pneumonia, not only that they rushed her to the hospital because the pneumonia had gone septic and her kidneys were starting to shut down. I followed the ambulance to the San Juan Regional Center ER, and called my dad, he was on his way home but wouldn't be here for a about 3 hours. Thankfully, my dad had called my moms Best Friend and she was there to help me answer questions. It had never occurred to me that I should memorize the medications my mom is allergic to, her birth year or any of that information. Tammy (Moms Best Friends) was a lifesaver. I remember those few moments alone like it was yesterday. We were taking off all of moms Jewelry to make sure none of it had to be cut off because of her swelling, I remember all mom wanted and kept asking for was some water, but due to ER rules she could only have a few ice chips, I could see the stress and fear in the nurses eyes and even though I knew they were doing everything they could, even they were worried, she was practically sent straight up to the ICU. That night she was given an amazing blessing, and then she was put into a medical induced coma. We all waited. My older sister, Lisette, and other family came from everywhere possible and a week later the doctors had told us that by the next day she was either going to start getting better, or worse. If she got worse, she would most likely pass away. We all gathered in a consultation room and said a prayer. The power of the Gospel filled that room and everyone present could feel the comforting hand of our Father in Heaven. The next morning we heard the best news any of us ever expected to hear. She was doing better. The next month and a half was a struggle, My younger sister and I would wake up, and go to the hospital, come home, get food for Dad, and go back to the hospital, there was never more than half a day that went by that my Dad wasn't right next to my mom. It was a long hard summer. I think one of the toughest moments was the realization that because moms lack of motion, some of her muscle tissue was dying because the pneumonia had settled. Her fingers and legs were in threat of being amputated. Anyone who knows my mom, knows that life without her hands would destroy her. She paints, cooks, and decorate wedding cakes.

My mom lives to create beautiful works of art. While my mom was still in the coma, Dad had to make the hard decision to have her toes amputated. after a few days, She finally woke up! It was amazing! To see the life back into her eyes was the most wonderful sight to see!  She would smile and try to communicate with her eyes. We loved every minute of it! Then she even was able to leave the ICU! we got to be in a regular room with regular patients! That felt wonderful! during the recovery my mom was informed that she had suffered from severe kidney failure and that she was going to have to do dialysis until, or if even, her kidneys ever started to function normally. At first mom couldn't speak and she would try and mouth words to us, I was okay reading her lips, and my older sister couldn't do it at all! But my younger sister (practically mom's clone) was the best and could usually always communicate with My mom. When mom first woke up she was always thirsty, but the nurses told us she could only suck on a wet sponge and she could only have one every few hours. Mom was not satisfied with that, and she would try and get us to giver her more than she was allowed. Stevie and I were sticklers to the rules, but our older sister couldn't handle the thought of denying my mom anything, Mom used to give us "the eye" or put her lip in order for us to give in. One day I had left Lisette with Mom alone, and I had reiterated to Lisette that mom had already had her sponge of water and that she couldn't have another one for a few hours, then off I went to get us all lunch. When I came back, my older sister was facing away from my mom not looking at her, when I asked her why she said that she couldn't stand Mom's pout face and was going to give in if she kept staring her! - Finally they day came, when the Dr.'s explained to my mom that she had two options: She could keep her legs and do physical therapy to try and learn to walk without toes, but even then they don't know if her leg muscles/tissues will be able to support her or if the muscle tissue was dead, or she could have them amputated, start physical therapy and be walking for sure by the end of the year with her prosthetics. Mom and Dad both spent the day praying and they came to the conclusion that she would have her legs amputated so she could get back to regular life sooner. She went in and had the amputation surgery. When  she was out they told her that she had made the right decision, because when they did the surgery they found that most of her leg muscles and tissue were dead and that he legs wouldn't have been able to support her. Another blessing. All through this mom had her good and bad days. She had days where she was determined to do everything people thought she couldn't do. and then there were days that that she felt an extreme loss that not many people could understand or relate to. Here is where my story changes. I stayed with my mom and helped for about 6 months during her recovery process. Something a lot of people don't know is that Phantom Pains are real. Although the limb is no longer there, the nerve endings at the site of the amputation continue to send pain signals to the brain that make the brain think the limb is still there. Sometimes, the brain memory of pain is retained and is interpreted as pain, regardless of signals from injured nerves.
 
 
 

 
 That's not the hardest thing about losing one or in mom's case both limbs. Can you imagine if you couldn't do everything you ALWAYS could do? Imagine waking up one day and having people tell you that you can walk but not with an ankle or moving toes. (anyone whose taken anatomy knows how important your ankle and toes are when it comes to walking) Sure, she could get some seriously high tech springy prosthetics, but has anyone ever looked into the price of those?! Mom's first set of legs alone cost upper 10,000, her second set even more... and I mean a lot more, so as encouraging as people think it is to say "did you see that girl on dancing with the stars with those cool springy legs?  She was awesome!", people don't take into account that prosthetics aren't free and they are no-where near cheap.
 Not to mention having to learn to drive with hand controls, loading up a wheelchair anywhere you go just incase your legs can't take long distance walking. And Grocery shopping? Forget about it...... Yet my mom has learned to do all these things and now 6 years later, her pain tolerance has risen and she can do so much more than we ever hoped. And we are grateful.
There are things my mom deals with on a daily basis that people cannot possible understand, and yet, Even she has said that she wouldn't walk a mile in anyone else's shoes, because you never know what other people are going through. Other people don't have the AMAZING support system my mom has. Family, Friends, and Doctors have been amazing to our family and without Everyone's love and support and most of all prayers, there is no way we could have survived that hard time our family went through. We love everyone so very much!

Then most recently. In March of this year, Mom was Diagnosed with Breast Cancer, and then shortly after we discovered that she had a genetic disorder commonly known as "Lynch Syndrom", an autosomal dominant genetic condition that has a high risk of colon cancer as well as other cancers including endometrial cancer (second most common), ovary, stomach, small intestine, hepatobiliary tract, upper urinary tract, brain, and skin. The increased risk for these cancers is due to inherited mutations that impair DNA mismatch repair. It is a type of cancer syndrome.
This at least explains why mom has had so many different types of cancers. After doing Testing, we learned that My younger sister has this Syndrome, as well as my Aunt Kim. My older sister and I do not have it, and it does not skip a generation so we do not have to worry about our future kids. What this means for my younger sisters is that she will get regular check ups earlier than most people. all it means is early prevention which is a GOOD THING.

Mom had her Double Mastectomy in June and is recovering awesome from it! she came out with good spirits and the nurses and doctors and genetics counselors there have treated her amazingly!
After some CT scan results came back we found out that she has 3 cancerous nodes around her kidneys called liposarcoma. It's a malignant tumor that arises in fat cells in deep soft tissue, such as that inside the thigh or in the retroperitoneum. Liposarcoma is a rare type of cancer that bears a resemblance to fat cells when examined under a microscope. So far, the plan is for mom to go through her chemo rounds for the aggressive breast cancer, and keep watch on the nodes until they feel it is safe to perform surgery. So here we are again with lots of stress and pain. This time we know what to expect with Chemo and although that can give us peace of mind, it can also make us extremely sad to know what the side effects are and the pain and sickness that mom is about to go through. On top of that Chemo can be very hard on kidneys, especially since moms are already weaker than most people. She will have to be very care and stay very hydrated in order to not have to start dialysis up again. So now that I have come to the present time I want to say this.

My Mother is MY Hero! She is POSITIVE. She can sit and smile and laugh with us even when she is in pain and laying in a hospital bed, she can make jokes and pick on herself about all the nicknames we give her such as "turbo" "speedy" "Legoless" etc. She laughed when she was bald and we called her Elmer Fudd, she plays with her nubby's and has a sense of humor that can make strangers feel awkward but people that know her can laugh with her about the situations she is in and even lighten her load. I don't just call my mother my hero because of her strength when it comes to her physical illness's, She is my hero because of her strength in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.



Our family are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and as such we believe that we have a Father in Heaven who loves us and takes care of us. Throughout my entire life my mother has been the most amazing example to me of having pure faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. She has always shown me how to live my life in a way that is pleasing to The Lord, and although I have not always found it easy to live up to the standards, she has always encouraged me and loved me no matter what my choices were. She has been through more than what some people go through in a lifetime, and she could have found it easier to blame The Lord for her trials, she has instead turned to him for help and guidance during the hard times in her life. She is a happy and positive person. She has her days and moments where she just can't see a way out, but eventually she finds peace and joy and is able to overcome. SHE IS STRONG. SHE IS HAPPY. and SHE IS MY HERO.






Although she may be broken physically, with a few parts and screws missing, but we know that SPRITUALLY she is whole. In our family's mindset that is all that matters. I'm grateful for the example she is to me and I know that she is a fighter and will come through this cancer just like the last.
xoxo aubs
 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Is it Really FALL?!

It's Fall... I can't seem to face the facts of how fast life goes the older you get. It's already October of 2014 which means the year is more than almost over and I can't really think of where it went? I have a new job and just since February alone Jaran and I have moved 3 times! (hopefully we'll stay where we are for a while!) I work at the local hospital and absolutely love it! It's not like I'm a nurse or a Doctor or anything but I work in the admitting and without me, nothing else could get done :P

Did I mention that My one year Anniversary has come and gone??? We even forgot to eat our cake top hahaha Jaran and I took a trip down to UT and ate at Tacano's Brazilian Restaurant and then took a drive down to BEAUTIFUL Park City. Have you ever seen Park City, UT in the fall?! It's amazing! all the Colors from the Leaves Changing! It's AWESOME! Here's a little eye candy for you....


I've also become rather crafty this fall... not only am I in the process of decorating our living room (pictures when its done) I also had Jaran make this awesome "FALL" Wreath-ish thang ;)
yeah, yeah.. it's pretty simple, and I'll admit that Jaran did all the hard work with the wood and what not, but I saw it in pinterest and made my own variation... I like to pretend I have some talent in my pinky.... Okay that's My update.. Lucky you....
xoxo-Aubs
 

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Sally Said to Susie....

Hello, My Name is Aubry, and I Gossip.

So I've been thinking about writing this post a lot lately, but I didn't know how to start and how I would stop myself from rambling and making excuses. So here it is. I will approach this blog about gossip as an addiction.

Frankly, Gossip is an addiction, its a learned habit that is truly hard to get out of your life.
I have so many wonderful friends, and yet there probably isn't a single one that I haven't gossiped about and when I think about it, that's truly sad and pathetic.
I also highly doubt that there are very many of my friends who haven't gossiped about me as well.

So where does it start? and Why do we do it?

"Girl Talk" has been apart of my life as long as I can remember, to our closest friends we call it "Venting" which is where we are simply "frustrated" with someone, therefore we talk to our other friends in order to make us feel better and we usually end the conversation by both saying "I'm sorry I was just frustrated..." and then we go on to say a few nice things about the person in question in order to make us feel dignified in our conversation. ("... bless her heart." OR "... but she's nice..")

It's truly sad, and yet I think all girls can relate to the above situation.
We hear it from our mothers, from our sisters, and friends. Girls are constantly talking about other girls. usually masked in a fake compliment afterwards.

Once you start to realize how much girls talk about each other, you start to stop trusting and then feel the need to build yourself up by tearing each other down.

So for me personally, I have decided that as a grown woman (weird right?! does being 25 almost 26 make you a woman?!)
I am DONE Gossiping.
How am I going to do this?..... I HAVE NO IDEA... But what I do know is that I'm am NOT going to hurt another friends feelings, when in a time of frustration I said something I knew would hurt them. No more will I feel that guilt because I truly love all my friends and we should all remember that we are SISTERS, and each of us is a Daughter of God.

First things First. The Steps to Quit Gossiping:

#1- THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK- We need to all ask ourselves.. Would I say this if they were hear to listen?- NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN, the simple answer is NO. No I would not. Therefore Don't say it. harder than it sounds but it really is the first step at eliminating gossip from your life.

#2- WHY? Why are you saying this about them? Are you upset? Frustrated? Annoyed? Jealous?- Stop, stop talking and spewing word vomit before you say something that you truly will regret in the long run.

#3 Choose your Friends Wisely- During "The Dark Ages" or formally known as "Middle School" I went through quite a horrendous stage. To this day I truly don't enjoy even thinking about middle school because of how low my self esteem was. Girls are mean and its scary to wonder if you're going to have someone to sit with at lunch, or walk in the halls with. I had plenty of those days and they were days when I truly didn't understand why girls were mean. Mostly I was unfamiliar with the "Mean Girls" world because until middle school my only friends had been my cousins. I grew a shell and decided that it was either eat or be eaten. So I began to rely on my sarcasm, and I relied on that in place of true self-esteem, I faked it, every day feeling less and less as I tried to cover it up with sarcasm.- In High School I was able to find awesome friends and luckily my cousins and I were re-united, I didn't have to have girl drama because I didn't let anyone in that would cause it. (besides Cheerleading, but that's a whole other story : P) Then came college, a whole new world of Girls and therefore a whole new world of gossip. I believed everything my new friends said about each other because I didn't know any differently. (Call me Naïve, but I didn't think they would lie? why would they....) It wasn't until my 3rd year of college that I finally got it. (slow learner right?!) All our fights and hate towards one another started with GOSSIP.- That turned into a long story that could have been short. My main point is, be careful. If they gossip about others, they most definitely Gossip about you. (see below)

#4- Talk to EACH OTHER, Not about.-I honestly can't count the times in my life where there could have been little or NO DRAMA if I just had the guts to tell people when they've upset me or hurt my feelings. In ANY relationship- Relationship is key. This is not any different in a friendship. It's okay to talk, and its okay to not have so much silly pride that you can't accept that maybe something you said could have hurt someone else, whether you meant it or not, joking included. We shouldn't tell one another that they are being "dramatic" or "sensitive". We should respect each other enough to be able to say 2 simple words... "I'm Sorry"

And last but not least....
#5- Be KIND.- It's not hard to stand up for someone even when they aren't there. It's not hard to hold your tongue when you're about to say something negative regarding another person. It is NOT HARD. Really! I promise once you get into the habit of LOVING EVERYONE-- not only will you stop seeing the bad, but you will also feel better about yourself! Crazy how that works! :)

 
Well, That's all for this post. I guess in ending I just want to say to any one that I have talked about or hurt your feelings. I am sorry. Bad Habits are easy to form, and hard to break. I love all my friends so much and I look up to so many of you! We as women have a divine purpose, and it's not to bring each other down and bicker. It is to LOVE AND NURTURE, not just our families, but to ALL and EVERYONE! :)
 

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Lemons...

There is a saying, I'm sure you all have heard it but for the sake of blogging, let me repeat it to you...
"When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade"
Well, I've been trying to make lemonade for a while, and then I stumbled on something that made soooo much more sense...
AH! NOW that is something I can relate to! I have to say I got a great chuckle from it. and Then I started to think about what the Sugar and Water can be.... I mean I think we all can pick out a WHOLE BUNCH of Lemons:
Money issues, Unemployment, Homeless, Infertility,  Loneliness, Marital problems, Health issues, Etc.
I think we could all sit for days and ponder all the negative things in our lives. I am actually terrible, I have envy issues and I have to work every day to count my own blessings instead of others.
But I digress, Sugar and Water in Life, can be described as simply the "Good things"
Vacations, Parties, Holidays, New Shoes, Pretty Clothes, Etc.

But doesn't that all sound pretty "Worldly" and Superficial?
I thought so too, So I came up with my own sugar and water :)

And yes, I think I'm pretty clever, If you don't....
Don't tell me.

Sugar:
The Sweetest things in life are FREE.... Something or Someone we are born with... FAMILY
Family is the most important thing you can have in life.



My Family is my Strength and my Rock, Also my New Family. My Husbands family is the most supportive and helpful people I've ever met. I couldn't have married into a better family.
Family are the people that when you need them, They're there. When I was younger I took my family for granted, their undying patience with me while I struggled to find my place, not once did I ever doubt that they loved me. Especially when I wasn't treating them the way they deserve. I look back on those times and regret VERY MUCH those times. And I'm not talking about just my immediate family, I have a very large group of cousins, we all grew up together and later in life i took them for granted. Now they are some of the only people who understand EVERYTHING I go through.


Water:
Water is something that none of us can live without.
Something that NO ONE, Not just me, But NO ONE can live without is The Gospel of Jesus Christ.
being someone that grew up with the Gospel in my home, Turned away from the Gospel, and then Returned, I can honestly say that My Life would not be complete without the knowledge that I have of the Truth of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I can say with my whole heart that it is what keeps me going on days when I'm down, and feeling like I have too many lemons in my lemonade. Those are the days when I stop what I'm doing and read anything I can regarding the Gospel.






The Book of Mormon, Bible, Ensign, and http://speeches.byu.edu/
are my very favorite.

So there you have it, Trials, Family, and the Gospel, are the three things that make Life worth Living!

PS. Update on my life, Jaran and I moved down to Fresno, CA for a month, It didn't work out, Now we are back in Rexburg. (Lemons : P)
XOXO- aubs




Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Pinterest Day- 1

So I'm going to start a new thing .... it's going to be called "Pinterest Day" (real original right?) Basically I'm going to upload pictures from my pins on Pinterest, Each one from a different Board.- 
* Note: Maybe eventually I'll "source the pins out" but until then if you want ti pin the actual pin.. you'll have to follow me on Pinterest and search the baord... because rankle I'm too Lazy to make each one a link.. K?
K!
This Post comes from My Board.... "Things I Love"
Back before I was engaged or married I made a board.... I'm not gonna lie.. It was mostly wedding stuff.. but I didn't want to be that girl that had a "future wedding" board without a boyfriend or even hopes of one... 
And frankly I STILL Post wedding things because... I like Wedding's... So get over it ;)

Doesn't the detailing on this dress BLOW YOUR MIND?!

<<THIS
DRES>>>

~I have Dreams or Creating Classy Cake Toppers and Selling them on ETSY~

I thought Libraries Like this only existed in a Castle France... and was under an Enchantment.. and Protected by a Beast..

If I Drank Wine I would guzzle 50 Bottles in order to create these candles...

Turquose/Teal with the Pop of the Magenta Orchid... Heaven.

< Favorite
FLOWER.... isn' that Pink just Divine?!>>

<<<PROVING that Dresses can Still be GORGEOUS and MODEST with sleeves.>>>

I Plan to have this as a painting somewhere in my house. The colors.

< weird
and creepy, Spray it white or Gold and its TOTALLY AWESOME!>>

You can steal cute things for your OWN WEDDING and NOBODY CARES because whoever actually did this first posted it on Pinterest and Therefore was begging to be copied. Just SAYIN'

Monday, February 24, 2014

Fun Snow Times...

That's Right! You read that title correctly. Fun and SNOW in the same sentance. This lil NM/AZ girl has really grown the past six months and I have even impressed myself.. Once I was Fully equipped with SNOW PANTS, SNOW BOOTS, and gloves, and waterproof coats, and all that good stuff, I was finally able to enjoy myself in the snow... Now... does that mean I LIKE to bundle up with 50 layers everytime I go out... no not at all.. BUT I'm used to it... its just something you do. Gotta Suck it up and live your life for fun ;)
Here's some pics of our fun ann My Idaho Life...
We chopped down our Very own Christmas Tree!

Jaran Scoped for Deer, While I took Pictures of the Sunset

Snow... Cold

Built a Snow-couple

Snowmobiling for the First Time!

My First Snow
video 
Fun Story: So I got Jaran a GoPro for Christmas, This in turn brought on "Xtreme Tubing" 
Enjoy the Above Video.


Monday, February 10, 2014

What We've been doing since.....

Well, I guess first of all I need to start using "We" Instead of "I", This is a blog about Jaran and I BOTH, Even though he's never read a single post and didn't even know I had one until recently HAHAHA
Well.. I guess there's really not much we've done, but yet it's a lot to us ;)
We moved into our apartment in Rexburg Idaho, AAAND life began as a MARRIED couple (Insert Happy Face)
We had our ups and downs, Jaran discovered HE folds towels wrong(Among other things) ;) and I discovered I'm a little sensitive and dramatic (Shocking right LOL) HAHAHA I also discovered that I have a problem with assuming the worst. And I truly have always believed Jaran was too good to be true.. His timing in coming into my life was only too perfect...The way we 100% got each others humor, Too PERFECT, the way he always allowed me to be crazy and no matter how weird I was or irrational he let me talk it out and listened... TOO PERFECT.... I had a pessimistic attitude and I was always ready for the day he was going to break up with me..... He never did...then he proposed.... TOO PERFECT...... and I was even more of a psycho with Bridezilla tendencies and I KNEW.. he was finally going to get sick of me.... He didn't.... TOO PERFECT.... Now we're married and I am constantly trying to find his flaws to Prove my point.. that Jaran was too good to be true...Now... I have found a few "Flaws" but through out everything and all my worries... and insecurities Jaran will simply chuckle at me and tell me he loves me.... Too PERFECT :)

ANYWAYS... I've adjusted to my Idaho life and actually had some fun in the SNOW ;)
I've done A LOT of things I've never done before.... But that's for OTHER posts soon to come.

BASICALLY I love my husband and He isnt perfect, and neither am I.. but us together.... We're pretty close (CHEESEY!)
We Watched Jurassic Park ON THE BIG SCREEN at the Old Theater in Rexburg.

I experienced my first negative degree weather, and power outage. BRR.

Jaran and I baought or FIRST piece of furnature- Cute Right?!
We went to 4 different pumpkin carving parties


My first Idaho Snow.... I had no Idea what was coming...